Saturday, April 5, 2008

About our son, Chase

This is the Eulogy from Chase's memorial service, the picture below is Chase's hand and Mike's finger:

Mike and I wanted to give you all the opportunity to know our son, Chase. He is the baby that we'd yearned for for two long years. We fell in love with him under a microscope--because we had to undergo IVF to conceive him. We saw him at 6 weeks with his heart beating strong. We saw him again at 8 1/2 weeks when his arms and legs were just forming. At 10 weeks we got another peek into the womb where those arms and legs were fully formed and he waved them around in a special baby dance. At 14 weeks we heard his sweet heartbeat for the first time--the special swishing made our hearts fill with joy because at last we'd made it through the treacherous first trimester and we could make plans.

Over the next four weeks I felt Chase flutter and roll inside of me--he was so active and alive! when Mike was around I'd greet the flutters with a loud, "Hi baby!" so he could know our baby was awake. Then came our first emergency ultrasound. We were so worried, but there was our little boy--we could see that now--lounging in my belly. We could see Aiden in the profile and Chase sucked on his fingers--even flipped around to moon us (just like daddy!). We were so relieved that he was o.k. And then my water broke, and we knew something had gone terribly wrong for our little boy.

For the next 36 hours he clung to life, and we fought for him for as long as we could. When he was born it was so silent. They cleaned him for us and brought him back in all swaddled up. He was precious! From his dimpled chin (just like daddy's) to his sweet little nose, lips and ears. His fingers and toes were perfect in detail--down to the nails that covered them. Those hours we spent holding, studying, and kissing Chase were the most bittersweet hours of our lives. The grief is raw, and there will always be a hole in our family and our hearts.

There is one prayer that I constantly lift before God on behalf of our children. When Chase was in my belly I prayed it often over him. That prayer was that his life would glorify God.

What happened to Chase was a surprise to us, but not to God. And I believe that God will use Chase's life and death to bring Himself glory. I did not want my son to die, but when I knew that death was inevitable, I still had hope, because we serve a God so in love with us, that he gave his own Son up to die in order that Chase and any who call on the name of Jesus would have eternal life. We can trust our son to a God like that! I know, I could never give my son up to die voluntarily. God did, and now our hope is that we will see Chase again one day--and better yet, we will see the One who gave us all eternal life. And that is what comforts us today. This isn't a goodbye, but a "see you later". We love you, Chase!