Aiden's new snack

For a few days now I've noticed Aiden chewing on something. I didn't know what it was, but I didn't check it out either because with the potty training comes treats. Aiden does tend to savor his treats by letting them melt in his mouth.

Yesterday he was sitting on my lap chewing. It occured to me that if he was still eating a treat, he had really made that sucker last. I asked him to open his mouth and I saw something whitish in there. Did I think something was askew at this point? Of course not, I figured he had a nougat (all of the treats are chocolate) of some sort. Then I caught a whiff of his minty-fresh breath. Hmmmm...Just as I did that, he swallowed and announced "all gone, Aiden go get more". This is the point that I realized he had somehow helped himself to my Extra peppermint gum.

So I had my unwitting child (he's going to catch onto this soon enough) lead me to his stash. And there it was, a half-eaten stick in the playroom and another 3 sticks lying in wait on my Bible which was by our stairs.

I called Mike to tell him, because of course it was hilarious that he's been walking around snacking on gum lately. That's when Mike told me that he'd seen him chewing and chewing on something white last week.

Little stinker!

Training, training...

Well, this is day #4 w/ no accidents and yesterday we had a second successful trip to the potty for #2...Yay!

Potty Pooper!

That's right folks...after 12 repeat episodes of "Aiden have to poo-poo" and mommy drops everything to run to the bathroom w/ Aiden only to be rewarded by being told "Aiden poo-poo all gone". At which point mommy replies, "o.k. you tell me when you feel like you have to go again and we'll try then". And yes, we must have repeated that 12 times today. Some of the episodes were mere minutes apart. We read books, mommy gave him "privacy," mommy sat on the floor with him. Mommy tried everything in a desperate attempt to get him to go. Just as mommy was leaning her head on the door of the bathroom in defeat and thinking "I'm giving this two weeks, and if it still doesn't work, we're giving up for awhile" Aiden did it. Yay!!! And yes, we took him swimming as a reward. I'm not about to say that he's arrived, but I think we're getting awfully close.

New Blog

I have a new blog that I'm doing to journal Chase's life and all that I'm learning about God through the grieving process...Feel free to check it out. http://chaselukens.blogspot.com

My flexible boy

Aiden is no longer a baby. A few weeks ago, when we lost Chase, this became all too apparent to me. We shipped Aiden from person to person, and thankfully had some friends from our church who live nearby who were more than willing to keep him on a moments notice. And after a trip to the ER, and then my water breaking and a trip to my OB, they proved that they really mean a "moments notice".

In all of the tumult, Aiden never complained. We had friends from our home group putting him down at night and staying with him. He spent another night with my mom. And a couple of his days were spent with his friend "Baby Alex". Baby Alex's parents were the ones who were so kind about taking Aiden in on a moments notice.

Most kids would've had a rough time with so much upheaval. Especially kids that are used to a stay-at-home mom who has always been around. I think the most I've ever been away from him before this was a night that we left him at my mom's last year. Not Aiden though, he was just thrilled to be playing with his "friends".

I'm thankful. I think the ordeal of losing one son would have been so much worse if I'd been worried about my firstborn son.

Today he showed one of the first signs of clinginess when he wouldn't let me put him in the nursery at church. I think it's a result of the tumultuous 3 weeks we've had. Instead of going to nursery, he chose to sit quietly on my lap throughout our entire service. I couldn't believe how well-behaved he was. In some ways, I'm glad he's growing up and I'm excited to see what his 3rd year of life will bring, but I'm sad to see this first stage end.

About our son, Chase

This is the Eulogy from Chase's memorial service, the picture below is Chase's hand and Mike's finger:


Mike and I wanted to give you all the opportunity to know our son, Chase. He is the baby that we'd yearned for for two long years. We fell in love with him under a microscope--because we had to undergo IVF to conceive him. We saw him at 6 weeks with his heart beating strong. We saw him again at 8 1/2 weeks when his arms and legs were just forming. At 10 weeks we got another peek into the womb where those arms and legs were fully formed and he waved them around in a special baby dance. At 14 weeks we heard his sweet heartbeat for the first time--the special swishing made our hearts fill with joy because at last we'd made it through the treacherous first trimester and we could make plans.

Over the next four weeks I felt Chase flutter and roll inside of me--he was so active and alive! when Mike was around I'd greet the flutters with a loud, "Hi baby!" so he could know our baby was awake. Then came our first emergency ultrasound. We were so worried, but there was our little boy--we could see that now--lounging in my belly. We could see Aiden in the profile and Chase sucked on his fingers--even flipped around to moon us (just like daddy!). We were so relieved that he was o.k. And then my water broke, and we knew something had gone terribly wrong for our little boy.

For the next 36 hours he clung to life, and we fought for him for as long as we could. When he was born it was so silent. They cleaned him for us and brought him back in all swaddled up. He was precious! From his dimpled chin (just like daddy's) to his sweet little nose, lips and ears. His fingers and toes were perfect in detail--down to the nails that covered them. Those hours we spent holding, studying, and kissing Chase were the most bittersweet hours of our lives. The grief is raw, and there will always be a hole in our family and our hearts.

There is one prayer that I constantly lift before God on behalf of our children. When Chase was in my belly I prayed it often over him. That prayer was that his life would glorify God.

What happened to Chase was a surprise to us, but not to God. And I believe that God will use Chase's life and death to bring Himself glory. I did not want my son to die, but when I knew that death was inevitable, I still had hope, because we serve a God so in love with us, that he gave his own Son up to die in order that Chase and any who call on the name of Jesus would have eternal life. We can trust our son to a God like that! I know, I could never give my son up to die voluntarily. God did, and now our hope is that we will see Chase again one day--and better yet, we will see the One who gave us all eternal life. And that is what comforts us today. This isn't a goodbye, but a "see you later". We love you, Chase!

March Madness

After a weekend of watching basketball, our monkey has come up with a few moves...I swear, he mimics everything he sees right now. It's so much fun!